Or, Yin Can Suck My Yang
Mom is very near the end. I keep saying–and thinking–this, but I can’t see how she can go on much longer. She’s on heavy pain medication. All her medications that were helping the dementia have been stopped, and she can barely swallow even the smallest pills. So now everything is in liquid form.
I found out today that she’s stopped drinking her Boosts and Pepsi’s (the ONLY two things she’d been sipping the past few months).
She’s given up. And that’s okay. I don’t want to see her suffer any more.
Mom’s wanted to die for a long time now. And she can’t. Or won’t.
Contrast that with this: This past week I lost a very good friend. He was full of life. He’d got a new lease on life after having earned many millions in business and losing it all. At one point, he was homeless.
He was happy when we met just last week in Las Vegas. Things were looking up. Alan was flying high. He’d immerse himself in his new publishing business and things were going very well.
Then, a week after we’d had dinner together, he died, suddenly, from an aortic dissection. Dude fought it, though, flatlining 2 times, coming back, and then succumbing on the 3rd one.
This thing we call life is whacked. Two people in my life: One wants to die and won’t, the other wanted nothing more than to live life and didn’t.
I know there are some out there who believe “God works in mysterious ways” or that “this is all planned for us.”
Fuck that.
Life is totally whacked, I agree, for reasons I won’t go into here. I have so totally felt your pain as you’ve been on this journey with your mother, and I grieve for both of you.
Be well~
The longer I live, the more I realize that life is not fair. It is however, about grabbing the joy that arises in the little things and hanging on to that when the going gets tough. You are doing an admirable job of hanging in there when it seems like it can’t get any worse. Hugs to you. Wish there were something I could do. Words do not seem to be enough.