I don't know how she does it. How does she keep going? Mom is so frail. She's a bag of bones. There is no muscle left. She shakes. She never relaxes. Her eyes are red and swollen. Everything takes effort. Even swallowing. Every breath she takes looks like it will be her last. I've never so closely watched somebody breathe. Each inhalation was a big chest expansion. … [Read more...]
Archives for June 2015
Summoning Energy
Summoning the energy to go see my mom. She's been doing very poorly and I haven't seen her in a few days, as I went to a seminar in Las Vegas Friday and returned home this morning at 4am. It's hard to go because I'm tired. But that's not really it. It's because I don't want to see how far she's declined. But I'm going. Life is about showing up. Even when death is … [Read more...]
30-Second Delay
I visited Mom again today. There is a marked difference between her now and just last week (not a good difference). If you ask her a question now, she seems like she doesn't hear you at first, then responds 15-30 seconds later with an abbreviated answer. She also fidgets incessantly with her bed covers. She's always pulling at them, grasping them, twisting them in knots. … [Read more...]
“I Tripped Over Some Fish”
Mom's going downhill fast. As reported here last week, she broke her "good leg." How did she do it? Our conversation today tells it from her perspective. Mom: I tripped over some fish. Me: What makes you think that? Mom: Because when I fell down, there were fish. Well, shit, that's good enough for me! … [Read more...]
Fallen and Falling
It's been quite a while since I last wrote here. For a while, it was because we were in a very satisfying holding period. Then the bottom fell out of that holding pattern and I really didn't feel like writing or talking about it. In many cases, my mood mirrors my mom's. I suppose that's pretty normal. On Thursday, somebody from Kindred called me and told me that Mom had … [Read more...]